Listening is a skill that will give you the edge over your competition. In most cases, we should spend about 75 percent of our time listening, 10 percent of our time thinking about what we’ve heard, and 5 percent of our time talking. Now, you probably notice that this doesn’t add up to 100 percent. The remaining 10 percent is the time you should be spending listening to your inner voice, intuition, and heart. Communication gurus tell us if you’re talking 50 percent of the time in a conversation, you’re talking too much and not listening enough.

Your ability to listen builds trust. There are two questions that must be answered before anybody will do business with you. Do they trust you? And, do they like you?  Listening contains the keys to answering both questions. Studies have shown that miscommunication occurs largely because we do not take the time to listen. Alexander Pope, the famous eighteenth century English poet once said, “Some people never learn anything because they understand everything too soon.”  One of the deepest needs people have is to be heard and understood.

Listening effectively is not easy. It requires what people lack most; time, patience, and total concentration.  People will judge you on how much you care about them by your attention level.  If you only hear a person’s words and not listen, you lose credibility and diminish trust.  Here are some specific skills required to becoming a better listener:

  • Focus on looking squarely in one eye of the person. Yes, one eye. This little trick subconsciously blocks out distractions and gives the person your total attention, and that is essential. Try it. It works.
  • Don’t just sit there! Interrupt them when you lose focus and get back on track before you become lost. By the way, they know when you are getting lost!
  • Ask good questions. Questions are like objections; they show that you have interest.
  • Recap. Sum up the main points as you go along to make sure you understand what has been said.
  • Don’t finish the other person thoughts, even though you may get their point.

And always remember, “Other people judge how much you care by how attentive you are.” So, when you are where you are, be there.

August 2009 – Thank You

I would like to thank all of my monthly e-Zine readers. Without you, there wouldn’t be any reason to pull together such a lineup of topics, and ideas each month. The number of readers continues to grow, from 10,000 at the beginning of this year to over 21,000 and growing. We are seeing continued growth, not only with the e-Zine, but also with the listeners of my weekly “Build a Better You” radio show on WBAP 820AM, now in its third year, and the number of events we are booking each week. This is truly a blessing!

The best news is that my book, “The Good Life Rules: 8 Keys to Being Your Best at Work and at Play” was the number one seller during a recent week for Borders bookstore. Why is this happening? It is because of you. You are the reason I get up early, and you are the reason why I’m on an airplane writing this article right now. You are the reason why I continue to make over 250 appearances every year. I love what I do, and I’m thankful that I can show up for you and for those that depend on you.

In life there are those moments that you will remember forever. I would like to share one of my life changing experiences with you. An important goal of mine was to someday interview Zig Ziglar for my radio show. That dream has come true. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that moment meant to me. His staff asked me to keep the interview to 30 minutes. I’m here to tell you that over two hours passed and Zig and I were still having a blast with the “interview.” He truly is one in a million. His son, Tom Ziglar, was in the room with us and he mentioned that his dad had a wonderful time. That really touched my heart.

Why am I telling you this story? To let you know that the interview will be aired on Saturday, August 29th, at 5:00 pm during my weekly radio show on WBAP 820AM. You can listen to the interview on the radio or you can listen to it via the internet. I will continue to find ways to bring good ideas to help you live a better life, both at work and at play.

July 2009 – Are You Proactive or Reactive?

Why do so many people put off what they need to do today? You can find the answer in the way you choose to live your life, proactive or reactive. The Good Life Rules are all based on living a better life both at home and at work. Until you change to a proactive lifestyle from a reactive lifestyle, you will always blame procrastination. Don’t get me wrong; many people suffer from procrastination and it can steal the Good Life from you. So what are the keys that allow you to live a proactive life?

First key: Remove guilt. You were not born with a reactive mentality. You learned it over years of making mistakes, setting goals and not accomplishing them, or not setting goals at all. I once heard a person say “Guilty feelings are circular, but you need to move in a straight line with one foot in front of another.” Small steps can lead to giant gains and that is exactly what you can do to counteract all the guilt.

Second Key: Don’t get distracted. Never before has the human race had more distractions in their daily lives. It is important to realize that if the world keeps you distracted, you will not stop and think. And if you don’t think before making your choices, you will continue to make mistakes; you will continue that reactive mentality and continue to blame your failures on all the distractions in your life. Once you understand why the distractions are in your life, controlling them gets easier. It is very important to create an environment that is more serene. You can escape to a tranquil mental setting by eliminating or minimizing noise and distractions, ensuring you have adequate lighting, and most importantly, living by one of my favorite sayings, “If you’re not in a hurry, don’t act like you are.”

Third key: Exercise. Those of you who feel fatigued and you just can’t get around to doing what you have to do, exercise! Ironically, when you are most tired and feel a lack of energy, exercise will provide a boost, raise your endorphins, and oxygenate the brain to think more clearly in your day to day choices. The key word is “think.” I know from personal experience—exercise promotes focused attention.

Fourth key: The Good Life has two major components: recognizing your gifts and taking action to bring them to fruition. As great as it feels to be able to see some of the important ideas that come into your head or heart for what they are—life-changing opportunities—that’s only one part of the puzzle. You’ve got to do something about them. And to me, a 48-hour time period is the perfect framework for taking action, because it gives you time to prepare yourself, but not enough time to procrastinate. So, always remember The Law of Diminishing Intent: what comes to your heart, you must act on it within 48-hours, or the world will distract you or steal it from you.

My wish every day is that I can find the words and energy to remind you that you are a “somebody,” not just an “anybody.” Somebodies are more proactive than reactive. Anybodies are more reactive than proactive. Somebodies understand that it is our choices that determine the course of our lives. To change our current course to a better life, you have to stop and think about your choices. To do so will change your philosophy, not your circumstances. Somebodies always take advantage of their circumstances created by their right choices.

The Good Life Rules!
Bryan J. Dodge

There’s no such thing as work-home balance.

That might be a strange way to start [an article] called “Find the Balance Between Work and Home,” but there really is no such thing.

I meet with corporate leaders every week, and I’m asked many of the same questions again and again. The CEOs want to know how to help their employees have more “work-home balance” because they think it’s a magic formula for increased productivity.

If you’re happy, are you going to be a better employee? Absolutely. Are you going to be better at being a dad or a mom or a friend? Of course. Does it have anything to do with punching a time clock, or the number of hours you work in a week? No way.

There’s no such thing as an artificially created “balance.” There isn’t some formula you can plug in that says you need to be at work for eight hours, then at home for ten before you can work another eight hours. It’d be nice if the real world was orderly that way, but we all know it isn’t.

In real life, you’re always either heading for a crisis or coming out of one. That’s just as true for a Fortune 500 company as it is for a family. My own family had to deal with health crises that included two blown-out knees and a broken back in a thirty-six-month period.

The balance that comes in The Good Life is more like the kind you use to ride a bike. You’re always pedaling, and if you start to tip a little bit to the left, you lean right to restore your equilibrium. If you overcorrect, then you need to lean a little more left to get back in balance.

If you let your work control you […] and if you keep saying to yourself, “I’m going to make just one more call, even though I said I’d be home before seven,” you’re losing sight of what the Good Life Is. If you committed to a big organizational meeting with your team at work, and you decide to play hooky so you can hang out with your son, you’ve also lost sight of what the Good Life is. Your job is not to work more hours nor is it to break your promises to the people in your professional life so that you can spend every moment at home. Your job is to get done what needs to be done—both at work and at home—with the time you have. It’s not a matter of finding more space on the schedule. It’s a matter of picking the right things to be on the schedule and having them on there at the right times.

This month’s article is an excerpt from my newest book, “The Good Life Rules,” which was released in January 2009 by McGraw-Hill. I can’t thank you enough for all the positive feedback that we have received from the book and for all the companies that have bought thousands of copies for their employees. If you haven’t read the book yet, go to [our webstore link] or any local book store. I promise you will not regret it.

The Good Life Rules!

Bryan Next to Book copy